empty feeling and life changes

some time back I decided I wanted a change in my life- not like a different hair style but a change in my feelings. I felt empty. I had no emotions at all, although from time to time i would cry for no good reason. For almost a month and a half we thought i was pregnant and i did not know how i felt about that either. I have always been one to know and say exactly how i was feeling but i couldn't, i was just Blah- I decided that it was just where we live, andrew hates it because there is no woods, i hate it because there is no life and we both hate it because of the heat. I will admit that i am not the worlds best prayer but i decided it was time to do just that. Andrew and I made a list of all the spiritual things we wanted to do and be better at- i will not list all of them but one of ours was not watching any rated r movies. I will admit it has helped and i feel so good that i have been able to conquer it. I took a trip with my sister in law caroline and for their privacy i wont share the story but i went and was able to see Fred, my brother in law. I could not beleive that it was him. He was a blessing to me, and it was EXACTLY what i needed to help me on my way. It made me see all the things in my life that i take for grantid every single stinkin day and the other things that i should hold so dear to me i almost dont even care about. the main example was my scriptures. I have a set of scriptures, i have books and the ensign and church literature at my fingertips at ANY given moment but i don't take the opportunity to read It instead of watching TV. I let my everyday duties and stuff (satan) tell me that i am too busy to pray, to read my scriptures and to attend church, institute, even FHE. The world is so fast paced that for these things i dont even think twice about doing and it is pathetic. I am pathetic to have such good things in my life and to not even give them a second thought. Andrew and I decided that couples prayer was something we would do morning and night- it helps! I can't beleive what it does for me, us! Fred's countenance had made me cry, made me think about how i would feel if all the sudden the world was taken from me and i had nothing to do and could do nothing about it. It really made me realize how blessed i am and how stupid i am for abusing it all so much! I WANT the spirit in my home daily, but yet i dont invite it in daily. I WANT to attenc church every week and fulfill my calling, but yet i HAVE to keep my second job and not go. I love love love visiting teaching. I never really did it in singles ward or when i lived in Heber but now that i go and do it, i love it- honestly it is the highlight of my month! I just can't beleive that i hit that "bottom" to where i needed to be woken up by someone ( i guess it happens to us all) to see what i truly want. I am so thankful for moving to heber when i was young and having all those religion battles with Brian and Brandi, otherwise i would have never joined the church. It all seems crazy to me to look back and see what i have been through and lean on that as a crutch, no more of that crapola. I need to feel my emotions whether it is sad or depressed, happy or sad, I just am not happy with this empty feeling and just being here. I would not have chose to be a part of the 2/3 that want to come down and i know Heavenly father would not have given me a body if i had no purpose. There are so many things i want to and need to accomplish in my life by myself and with my husband. I think about my sister in law azure who died and have a peaceful feeling knowing that she without a doubt of my mind will make it to the highest glory and that is what i want to feel on a daily basis if anything should happen to me, and right now i pretty much feel like i would go to hell! well i feel better now then i did 2 months ago:) But this is just my honest and raw emotion. Change can only start with me.

another missionary transferred.

The pictures are always taken in front of whitey- andrews first deer he shot.

Since we moved into our house a frequent guest of ours are the missionaries. we made good friends with the first pair and it has been that way ever since. They will stop by on their way home and we try to feed them often, another one of our favorites just got transferred a few weeks ago, we always get a picture with them when they do- Since the missionaries have come over now that we have our own house, every time they leave in my mind i challenge myself to do a little better. Me and andrew have not been the greatest about sticking to every counsel like we used to do. I will post on this later bbut here is a pic of the missionary who left.

Fourth of July- Late

we always go up to Heber for the 4th of July celebration. This time My father in law is running in te senate so we were in the parade, which i did not get any pictures of dang it, and we all had a Chester Crandell shirt on. Since there was so many people at Alice and chester's house we stayed at my moms house since she is living down in the valley now- we had a lot of fun. we even left the dogs at home with my mom this year. I forgot to take any good pictures really because we were so busy, maybe next year. I hung out a lot this time with my nephew Eric. My brother brian bought a snow cone machine and he had a booth set up so we got to eat snow cones everyday! Andrew was being a bad uncle and getting eric to say freaking with every sentence. Eric, andrew, and I were walking back down to the high school and every truck eric would see he would say who, what a big freaking truck! Andrew asked eric if he wanted to go freaking swimming and eric said, " No, not freaking swimming, just swimming!" it made me laugh.

That is the big "freaking": truck

A year has come and gone already...

here it is finished, they look exactly like our dining table, i love them and tehy were cheap!
All i have to say is thanks babe.

September 1st was a year that Andrew and I have owned and lived in our home. It is so crazy to think that the time has flown by so fast. As i stood in my home the other day looking around i made a list in my head of the things i STILL need to get done, here it is
*Finish painting the 18 foot walls-
*DECORATE our huge upstairs loft- We have was retro vintage (ugly) couch and chairs up there,that andrew has agreed to get rid of:) and NOTHING on the walls but paint- solid color. I take that back we have an elk up there and blinds in all the windows, but NOTHING else. We bought a projector because that is going to be a theater room but we have yet to put it up, paint the wall for the screen or get new furniture:)
*Paint our master bedroom- or any of the other 2 for that matter.
*decorate the master bedroom and bath, or ANY of the bedrooms and bathrooms. The downstairs one and the upstairs bath have a few things in them but nothing compared to where i wanted them to be in a years time.
*patio furniture for out back- we did finsih landscaping the backyard however.
*choose what i want with my kitchen, it was red and now it is beige, but i want it something else.
* Finish stenciling the laundry room. I painted it green and started to stencil but after i put the stencil down i did not finish.
*find window treatments for the dining room/kitchen windows.
*Finish grouting the kitchen after the flood
*Finish the cabinet filler in the kitchen after the flood
and then everyday i feel like it is not clean enough.

The good accomplishments are....
* we have never been late on a payment, even after i lost my job at verizon!
*we have been able to actually help out family when they come down with a place to stay-that's always fun
*we have had the joys and blessing of making our house a home and feeling the spirit here. It is so different being able to "invite" the spirit into your home when it is YOUR home...:)
* we have made a truck load of memories with the work we have done here that can never be taken away or forgotten
* I came home to Andrew staining my wooden bar stools i picked up at a garage sale for 5 bucks! pictures to follow.
*we have our own rules, for the most part aside from HOA- No apartments and we don't live WITH anyone in their home so we get to do whatever we want. It is so fun coming home and being loud and not worrying about waking anyone up, or leaving the house a complete mess if we want to!
*We got our house for an AMAZING deal, even if the market never picks back up again, we are happy with what we picked and what we chose for our money! thanks to an awesome realator Kevin!

oh the list can go on and on if i let it. Andrew and I are so happy and proud or ourselves though with what we have been able to accomplish since we have gotten married. we both have really good jobs, we were able to become debt free, we own a house, 2 cars, we can pay our bills, we have an awesome ward with good friends, 2 cute dogs, a great strong friendship which makes for a healthy marriage and we are doing great. We are missing a few kids and i am missing my degree but that will all come in time! Thanks for all the love and support our friends and family have shown throughout this wonderful year or home ownership and almost 2 and half years of Marriage!


I am doing my own little photo blog instead of putting the pictures on this one. I names it :)

A Scorpion slash- bite? WHA?

Have you ever hurt yourself and can NOT for the life of you figure out how you did it? Well i did,- Here is the scoop. A friend of mine from my ward is pregnant, so yesterday i did her photos- we were on the train tracks and i cut my RIGHT toe on a cinder rock or however you spell synder---- i looked down at it, said ow, then kept on my journey. Not kidding- like 45 seconds after that my LEFT foot- whole thing started to hurt, throbbing pain so bad that i could not walk, then it became numb and all i could do was barely limp to my car. Rachael and her husband were lokking as if i were nuts and could not understand how my left foot hurt if i cut my right one- Me either. I continued on with the shoot, crazy pain every time i stepped, i could barely even get up on my couch to take a picture of her below me. my foot became on size-parallel on both sides to my toes without any definition and it became numb, but still soar- how that works i don't know. I called the doctor, i have a close doctor friend who i ask all my doctor questions to, sent her the pic and told her the way i felt-adament that is a scorpion bite! Now before i called her Andrew- my dear husband who is working up north told me to look for bite marks or a bite mark because it sounds like i got bit by something. I could not see anything, but now, i see a little bite mark or a "sting" mark and my flesh is peeling away at that same spot to. So... it is Monday at like 10:30 am and i have been downstairs on my couch in the same spot since SAturday night since like 6- with my mom waiting on me hand in foot because no joke i can BARELY even make it to my backdoor to let my dogs out. It is terrible. I had big plans this weekend too, i even had to give up my money making good shift at the casino! ugh, so here is a note to the little scorpion who bit my poor little foot (not that it was not my fault because i had flip flops on) and who made it numb with horrible shooting pains up my whole entire leg, nausea in my stomach to the point of throwing up and a headache... I will kill you if i ever find you, and if i dont find you i will kill any other scorpion that i come across- Love, your victim- Mandy.


Danielle dress fitting cont....

I have yet to complete all the photos that i want to finish editing for my dearest friend Danielle. She is getting married in December and I am soooo super excited for her. If I only had more time in each of my days to get them ALL finished at once!