Christmas 2011

I also forgot to mention christmas.... As mostly everyone knows Andrew and I are expecting out first son next year. We decided to get one gift for each other and anything else would be for Brighton.... I just wanted to brag that Andrew surprised me with a pair of diamnod earrings... Yp thats right... DIAMOND!... If you know anything how andrew picks his diamonds he is about quality over quantity... He got the clearest and best cut diamond the store had in diamond studs. He spoils me... :) I just love him... although i am not big on jewelry period, I really really love my new earrings and i could even get used to getting jewelry for gifts from time to time:)
On another note... he got bullets, a whiteail hunting monopoly game that the only part he is interested in is the game piece that is shaped like a shed... and he swears he will never play it.... the most ADORABLE little sleeper for Brighton with evergreen trees on it and a moose and a game cam that he is been asking for for years! Christmas this year was more focused on the actual meaning of christmas, which usually for us it is. I sometimes get masked with the whole thought of what am i going to get everyone and wonder if i dont get a friend or family member something individually if they are going to care... then i let that go. Having a child in my belly makes me think of things differently. although i would never want to dissapoint Brighton, at some point it is gonna happen. I want him to always know the true meaning of christmas, and not gifts. I want him to be so excited to open up his pajamas every year from grandma crandell, (its their tradition) My mom is more of the spoiler so you never know what it will be like with her:) Anyhow... I figured i would print this blog before Brighton comes and start a new one then, I did not add this up top because i jumped to the diamonds before anything, but one of the funniest parts of this whole christmas present was that all i really asked andrew for this year was an electric toothbrush:) haha, oh Andrew, how i love you.

Is it january first yet!

After a long frustrated conversation and a whole day of waiting for the doctor to come in to see what they are going to do for me... he never does... Great! So i heard nothing from the doctor back yesterday after the urologist, just the wrong information... Today i woke up to the doctor talking to me... he said here is my option, or options.... I have to wait to talk to my doctor about them enducing if the pain does not subside because the pain IS caused by the pregnancy, or at least the uterus anyway... Of course i understand that there is more blood flow and everything is kinda squished... that is the way it should be... but the pain should not be untollerable where i feel like a mad woman thrashing around unable to even breathe! Come on, really! uhh,.... I feel like crying but i have no tears and besides i just got out of the shower and redid my mascara.... I am not letting them give me anymore morphine, i dont want a drug baby, also they started to just put me on one pill of lortab and it takes the pain off enough that i can bare it. So now i am waiting for the urologist to come decide if they will do this nephrostomy tube thing where they will put a big needle into my right kidney to drain the stuff, whatever it is because in this hospital it seems i just cant get a straight answer... they keep assuring me the baby is okay but i am not getting answers! they dont just keep someone in the hospital for 3 days and not tell them whats going on right????? Its about 3 pm now, i am so ready to go home. I have had so many mixed emotions! At one point i thought i would meet Brighton, at others i thought i was harming him, and now its just down to frustration and anxiety to leave and go home. I miss my dogs and Andrew and I even miss cleaning. Here i have nothing to do but update this blog that i hardley ever look at anymore and make multiple budgets to see which method will work best coming into the new year. How fun:) On the good side If i was growing anymore of a bubble butt i have flattened it out:)


Not the real deal cont. Warning! this post is long!!!!!

The morning of my birthday I woke up and showered, Andrew googled the symptoms of a gall bladder attack and this is all what i felt to the T. We went to have lunch at subway where i had a half of a 6 inch just about with nothing on it but turkey and lettuce... If it was my gall bladder there will be no more grease for me for my lifetime, i NEVER want to feel those pains again. In the short period of leaving the house and having a small lunch the pain came back. Even after a short nap at home it was worse and i told Andrew i needed to go back to the hospital...., one small thing i forgot to mention... the day before when the nurse told me she thought it was my gall bladder.... she did not order any test for my gall bladder... she said they would send me to the ER if it was not baby related, but they never did, instead they discharged me.... Anyhow, i called my doc in copa to get a follow up apt and they scheduled it for Jan 3rd! Wow, on top of me literally and physically i swear on anything and everything holy i could not deal with the pain for another hour, let alone days! January 3rd is the biggest day of my life at the Bank! There is no way i was getting off to go for a follow up apt.! I drove to the Dr there in copa and she said to go back to the hospital! I can't believe i am on my way back. Andrew thinks i am super woman and pain is nothing for me so he told me to try and stick it out, we went home and i laid down. When i woke up I was in pain, AGAIN! sadly he was putting together the crib and I hated to interrupt him but i just knew something was not right and i needed to go back to the hospital. I made the phone call and talked to the nurse who helped me yesterday who said she thought it was my Gall bladder... she adv to come back to labor and delivery to again rule out problems with baby, then they will take me to the ER... as soon as i got here again i was begging for the drugs! It is so sad because i know what i get in my body Brighton also gets in his and I hate knowing that my little tiny baby is on anything drug related! If i tell the story you will be here reading all night... so this is how it goes....

Wheeled over to ER and asked random questions, no medicine,no room to put me in, out in the open in front of everyone. got blood drawn AGAIN! took a pee test again....they finally took me to this room that i shared with 2 other people and i was in a "recliner" chair that was beyond all discomfort. The plan was to go for an ultrasound on my gall bladder and kidneys.... I had a pretty cute nurse who gave me an iv in my left hand... it hurt just a pinch and Andrew almost passed out... :) Shortly after they took me back I went to do that, about 30 minutes... she was really really nice who did my sonogram and she even gave me a picture of little Brighton to satisfy my once more needing approval that he has a penis:) from there we waited and waited. The highly strung doctor came in very nice and very fast and told me that the gall bladder looks good, and so does my kidneys..... hmmmmm so what else could it be??? Well we have to do a full cat scan to rule out appendicitis now.... oh great i thought... then i asked the questions like so if i do and it has to be operated on, does Brighton come out? Can he stay in during a procedure like that where i am knocked out? I was told he could be taken out or left in.... now i am getting a little scared.... My cute nurse came in again and told me i had to have ANOTHER IV, this one had to be past my wrist so they could inject something into me.... i am so dehydrated though that there are like zero veins that are being accommodating.... he finds one in my right elbow area and again, Andrew watched it and felt pretty queasy.....:)okay so like 2 hours later the guy came in for the CT scan. i could not understand his accent but he said something about me being pregnant and full term and OK? ahhhhh sure i said. I drank the awful solution and went into the machine, i have no idea why they call it a can scan machine. it should be called the spinning donut:) He said i would fee warm and pee when i was in there... I was thinking WHAT! my clothes are on....his language barrier was hard to understand... when i tasted the metal and felt like i had to pee and my body went hot i understood..... okay that's over and its back to the room.... I had not gotten any medicine in a while and i was uncomfortable beyond belief. I asked if they had a pillow and the response was a no, so i then asked if they had a bed and i was told the beds are only for those who "need" them. Like the man pulling down his pants in the hallway yelling help me help me hurry up hurry up, I'm bleeding... although he was not, he had dementia.... Okay i get it i said and laid down and trued to not think of the pain, or the weird people who keep coming in and out of the what i then thought was a mental hospital.

It was getting late... this was my birthday and at 7 we had planned dinner with some people, Andrew started to call and cancel for me, however bishop and his wife were already in town so they came over and Andrew was able to give me a blessing. It was nice and i felt so grateful in that moment that my husband is a priesthood holder. the rest of the night was a bunch of crap if you ask me... they took forever to give me more medicine, i was miserable and i think i got like 4 different diagnosis.....
the gall bladder was okay.....
the tube from my kidney to my bladder is collapsed and i will need to a stint in it to get it open
the tube is enlarged and it is creating build up which is what the pain is from
I have multiple kidney stones in the ureter which is causing the backup and inflammation and I would have to wait until the morning... mind you its only like 6 right now.... for the Urologist to look at it to see exactly where we go from there....

So now i am admitted, they tell me room 379 third floor. My sister and her family drove down from buckeye because she had a birthday gift for me and just wanted to say hi... my mom was waiting out in the lobby as well as Natalie and Logan who has just brought Andrew dinner:) It took about an hour to tell me the room was wrong and since i just so happened to be 35 weeks pregnant then i should be in the OB section.... makes sense i would think... finally at like 10:30 I go to my room where there is a bed and i literally have 5 pillows! I had not eaten anything in 12 hours and hardly been able to drink. My mom brought me fruit and crackers and all the water and ice in the world. since i had "kidney stones" my plan was to stay here overnight and be treated for the pain and to hydrate like crazy and pee into this strainer thing to see if they will pass..... I was also told the urologist comes in early in the morning and she would come evaluate and then we will go from there.... oh and yes at this point it was not my appendix... so at least that is good but my frustration is creeping up because the day before they sent me home after doing an ultrasound of the kidneys and stating they were fine..... AHHHHHH!!!!!

I tell Andrew to go home since he works in the morning, i took some medicine and went off to sleep......

Come the next morning 12/30/2011-
The urologist did nothing about making her rounds early.... in fact Andrew got here around 11 i think and she was not here until like 2 or something, cant remember too well... she said something about no kidney stones... if i do they are like tiny and also that the tube is NOT collapsed????? wtheck! So what is going on.... from what i gathered in pregnancy your uterus can be enlarged in certain areas which cause problems in others... well duh!!! she said something about a worked with brachial i think... sorry i am on medicine... she said she would talk to the Dr and then he would follow up with me..... errrrrrr... WRONG! it right now is 3 almost 30 am and I NEVER saw the doctor on call that day again. The nurse came in and said she was gonna give me iron and a constipation pill, why i had no idea... she said to take them and then the Dr will make his rounds early in the morning... well i have heard that one before.... Natalie and Logan came to say hi and were off to find a dog to add to their family so i made Andrew go with them since he was going crazy here.... I watched a whole movie and started getting frustrating about being in the dark about what the heck is even going on. I called the nurse in and she listened, she assured me she would talk to the Dr..... hours later after Andrew got back, the nurse came back in and said she talked to the Dr... apparently the urologist said she offered me and Andrew something today that would drain the excess fluid that is causing the pain... WHATTTTT!!! I had to look to Andrew because i do forget a lot but I am positive she TOLD us that was probably not needed! is this woman crazy? or just a liar! I was so mad! I then asked the nurse why i am taking iron and constipation pills and she said because the urologist said i was constipated! No no no no no... I literally wanted to scream. Was this woman just not listening when she was in here or did she mix up my notes with the person next door... ughhh... I could just cry! Now there is nothing to do but to fire that urologist and request another one that wont be able to happen until the am and the doctor wont even come talk to me anyway until the morning... so here i Am... I literally have the world most awful pain and 10 different reasons why but no one knows how to fix it or what the real problem is.... frustrating is all i can say. I should go to bed. I can update in the morning... I am hoping and praying that the new urologist will be able to shed some light because this has been crazy! just crazy. I am worried about work, like sick to my stomach. I have a huge month coming up and am not 100% prepared for it. Andrew tells me to relax and worry about the baby because he is most important which i know, but a big part of my life is my job and I hate to feel like i am not fulfilling it completely... I better go to bed and stop worrying myself sick! goodnight

Is this the Real deal????

Monday... the day after Christmas was amazing... this was the 26th. Thank bank was closed so I had the day to do as i pleased. I went Christmas shopping with Natalie and bought what i felt a life time supply of wrapping paper would consist of, some tissue paper, and a few random Christmas decorations for next year.... (yes I'm kinda cheap) This was the day Natalie told me there would be no more eating out, that she needs to be strong and I need to do the same! oh man... shopping with a girlfriend is just not the same unless you spend lunch together too! boo... well anyway.... We went to 3 stores and were done and mozzied on back to the copa town where i proceeded to make sure all of my bills were paid and the house was clean and I even started to organize Brighton's room. I felt great. I was a little nervous about me falling 2 days before and i was often stopping to feel him move, or feel for contractions and even watch for blood... but nothing! Yes. I was okay. The next day i went back to work and working hard! my day is filled with a bunch of last minutes things to wrap up and setting new appointments for the new year~ My next step at wells Fargo is to go into management so i am trying my best to utilize my time wisely and to the fullest..... Well Wednesday around 1230 ish my stomach started to hurt...over the coarse of about 25 minutes it hurt so bad i said something to my manager. It was hurting to bad and since it was time for my lunch i figured i would go home and try to lay down to see if the pain would subside...
In the mean time i told Andrew how i was feeling so he was checking in with me. I was for certain i was in labor. I tried to time the "contractions: but they were CONSTANT and the pain increased literally every minute. I had work to do at with with a loan signing so i sucked it up and went back and gave it to my manager, told her i could not stay and called for a ride to the hospital. I moaned and groaned all the way while Natalie drove me to the hospital. I cried and screamed... yes i was a mad woman!~ and this is coming from the woman who said she would not get an epidural... well that choice may have changed now:)
I got to the hospital and they immediately put me into a bed, checked me and said no i was not in labor.... What???? then what in the heck is this pain from... I BEGGED from some drugs to take the pain off even just a little. they told me no, they had to make sure the baby was okay. Okay okay okay... Andrew my ma and Natalie were there I had finally had my medicine and quite a few tests later and they say that they cant find anything, but.... the nurse tells me she thinks its my gall bladder..... After the morphine i was given i could function and the Dr said since i was feeling better i could go home...... even though i had no clarification i was told there was nothing they could do since i was pregnant and i was to just go home..... okay... goodbye... as soon as i sat down outside while Andrew got the car i threw up and the pain slowly started to creep back. I met my mom and she gave me Tylenol PM and sometime between the drive home i was back to sleep. I slept that night on the couch with a heating pad doped up on Tylenol pm. Andrew laid next to me in the love seat. As much as i told him to go upstairs and go to sleep because that chair is miserable to sleep in, he refused until i went with him. I had declined a blessing earlier that night from bishop because i did not want to be a bother, but i was regretting my decision. I was certain that i would wake the the next day... the 29th... my 25th birthday and be just fine and attend my birthday dinner celebration we had planned with family and a few close friends. I was certain of it.

Merry Christmas!

Andrew and I had a great Christmas this year! Despite my "early" labor I was cleared by my doctor to go to Heber for the day for Christmas... It may have been a bad day because i fell! right on my left side... oops... It really does hurt when that happens, but i am pretty sure I am okay.... I had a great baby shower on SAturday the 17th. Most of all my sister in laws came, my mom and sister and some close friends. I was so spoiled! I got almost everything i needed. Andrew and I only have a few things left on the list to get! Thank you again for all of those who came and celebrated with me.... Saturday night after the commotion calmed down we watched a movie with a few friends and my back started hurting.... it kept over until Sunday where i told andrew I had to leave early. My stomach would contract and my back would hurt and my legs would even go numb! It was crazy. That lasted throughout that sunday but it was not constant I went to bed with the intention of if i dont feel better in the morning i will call my dr.... needless to say i felt and slept awfully so i called Dr matthews in the morning and she sent me to the ER. I was having pretty consistant contractions but nothing else had porgressed so they gave me a shot... not one but 2 shots of tributeleen???? I dont know how to spell or say it really, but i think that is close enough. After a few hours it stopped my contractions and i was put on bed rest for 2 weeks and sent home.... WHAT!!!!! 2 weeks... there is no way i can do that... upon following up with my dr, she said i could go back on thursday and work for 2 hours then break for 30 laying down then work another 2.... that does not work too well at a bank.....but i did the best i could.

This is such a long post,... i know i am sorry! So here it was December 22 or 23rd and I feel like an obese person who cant breathe! Everything is fine with the little Brighton but they did not let him come because at that time i was 35 weeks and he only weighed 4.5 pounds! I just wish no more early labor signs with this pregnancy, i want the real deal~ :)


The time is flying by

I can still remember when I peed on the stick and it said positive... I was like 4 weeks and I remember thinking oh my gosh am i ever going to get past the first trimester so im in the "safe" zone, then it moved from there to the 20 week when i can find out if it was for sure a Brighton Jay:) after that it was the anticipation of the baby shower and watching my belly grow and now, its the hospital visits:) I am truly loving being pregnant and evn my "i look fat" attitude has gone away, there is plenty of time to lose it after you have him:) Sunday was a normal day for the most part but i was truly hurting and uncomfortable for the first time in my pregnancy. I figured it was because my shower that the day before and i was busy busy busy cleaning and such. Sunday i told Andrew we had to leave church because i could not sit still, my back was on fire. then that night sleeping was torture, i swear i woke up like every hour...I thought to myself monday morning would come and if i still felt bad i would call the doctor and see if she could excuse me from work that day... I was wrong! They sent me into labor and delivery or the triage part of it anyway where i was monitored and checked and all that fun stuff. My contractions were pretty steady, Brightons heartrate was racing up and then dropping down which was scaring me a little but they said it was fine... then they checked me and found i was already dialated to a one! Holy cow i am thinking in my head as she tells me she has to call the Dr.--- Andrew was not even there! what is gonna happen if i have this baby! haha it was pretty funny. They gave me a shot in the back of the arm! OUCH! to stop the contractions, which did not so i got poked again, hours later i was on my way home with a note to be on bed rest for 2 weeks!

This is crazy i am thinking... January is the biggest month of the year and if i want to be promoted to management then i HAVE to have good production... I am a little worried about all that to be honest. I have a follow up apt today with my actual doctor to see if she will let me return to work, if not anything at least for half a day:) But as for now, this baby is staying in for another 4 weeks if i can help it!


34 weeks

isn't that belly just so cute! I like to touch it:)

5 weeks left, or 7...

That seems so long right! The dr says my due date has changed, i dont know why they "change" it this far along but i am thinking that they are thinking i am one of those women that will be so exicted to get this little one out of me at 38 weeks. WRONG! I have a birth plan. It is a bit insane, but i am not getting an epidural-yes i am going natural and to the very best of my ability i will stick to that plan. I want to know and feel what is going on and I am a firm believer that heavenly father made my body just as all the other women to go into the labor process when the baby and my body are good and ready for it. I know some mothers have already told me i am crazy and you dont know what you are talking about and you will change your mind this is your first blah blah blah. The good thing about all births being different is that this one is mine:) So i can make whatever choices make me happy. To know that, is the best. I hear the most horror stories at the dr office though, about how i will be in labor for days and it is just so bad and i should just get the shot and get it over with. whatev.,.... so i am saying i have 7 weeks and i am not paying too much attention to the "new" due date. Things here in December in the Crandell home are CRAZY! Lj, andres brother is soon moving out, he has been staying here throughout the week then going back to see his family in heber. This is going to free up my what was then an office that i will be turning into my nursery! I am excited to start Brighton's nursery. I already ave all the stuff and the decor, i just need to put it all together! Work is crazy because its the month before the beginning of the year, its like 2 straight months of non stop work, i kinda feel like my aunt kathy who is a CPA and its tax time... not fun!

On a different note... I am working my way up in the company and am going for management! I know the timing is way wrong, but me and Andrew have devised a plan to where i can still work and he can go to school- small sacrifice for a few to allow me to be a stay at home mom in a few years when i am positive we will be expecting another little baby into our lives! It was a little bit of a harrd and sad decision on my part. I had made the decision to just stay home with Brighton but on the flip side at least he will have a stay at home figure, it will just be daddy:)

It seems everything else is working out so far. I know i have yet to post a picture, which i should just go do right now... okay i will after i finish my blabbing. I have gained 15 pounds, with 5-7 ish weeks to go i am extremely happy with that number. I don't waddle and I still fit into my work suits (I just cant button the bottom button). I got a comment today from a random man that pregnancy looks good one me:) It made my day. I really am enjoying being pregnant! I wont lie i like the attention it brings to my baby bump a little too:) My favorite time is when andrew is engaged with my belly though. I cant wait to see how he will be with Brighton. I know i will just fall even more in love with him once i see him in action as a dad.

I think i am done for now. I will go and take that picture. :)

I feel... normal

It is official I have technically 8 weeks to go, IF my due date does not change... they moved it but it is subject to change. I am not holding my breath. I am banking on 8 weeks from now to get all my other little ducks in a row before Brighton come, but i am am getting super super really excited. When he moves in my belly now he kinda makes me feel like i need to throw up and at times it stops me in whatever activity it is that i am doing at that moment. I feel like I always think in "mom" mode now and when i see mothers doing certain stupid things i always make a mental note of what not to do:) I truly am blessed to be able to carry this child. I never understood the feelings you feel for the little one in your belly even vicariously through a good friend, but once you do it changes your whole world. It is such a blessing and i wont lie to say that i am kinda sad that andrew will never be able to feel what i feel. It is simply amazing. At this point in my pregnancy i love it and I feel great! I have zero cravings, my feet dont hurt and yes i can still wear my heels to work:) The only thing i did not like was the sickness in the beginning that lasted for 2 whole months but that is nothing compared to what i get to look forward to- a life with this lovely little guy i have been baking! I have so many feelings but the rest of them i just cant describe. I had a friend tell me today that she basically raises her kids by herself and it made me sad. On top of being a great husband, Andrew is so excited for Brighton to come. He can't wait he says to just hang out with him and he says he is actually looking forward to getting up with him in the night! we will see how long that lasts though:) I am just a lucky lucky girl. I have an amazing family, truly and its growing! I cant wait for these next 8 weeks, although i am very very busy at work for those 8 weeks I have set aside enough time to finish his room and have me a baby shower to prepare for him. I cant wait to meet you Brighton! come soon... but not too soon:) and... i just realized i have not posted ANY pics of me pregnant! I guess i will get one up there!


9 weeks to go.

We have about 9 weeks to go. My baby shower is set for december 17th and i am having the hardest time making sure i have everyone i need to on the baby shower invitation list. Since we just did evites it seems all my emails are out of date. Please leave a comment here with your updated email address:) I can believe we only have 9 weeks to go. I will post some pictures here soon.


a decision to make

Brighton will be here in about 3 ish months, i have yet to make up my mind about if i will continue to work either full or part time... I love my job and i am so good at it! For most people who ready my blog i think it would be safe to say that yall know i have always worked... I started when i was like 8 and a half.... part of me is SO ready to just walk out the door and never look back and just be a stay at home mommy... but then there is another part of me that is wondering if i should keep part time at least so i can keep my sanity... It really is a tough decision and i would love to be able to have an at home job... maybe i could just find that! Until March ish time is when i will make my decision but until then i guess i will just have work:)

just to vent.

My car is slowly breaking.... the other day the door handle, now the CD player wont give me back my cd's... why do they make things just to break anymore.... I literally and almost pasionately loathe entirely car salesman and i do not anytime soon (while I am still paying my car) want to visit any one of them..... It kills me... Since i am in finance now i know so much more and i do drive a hard bargain so i know i will not get worked over again, but i still am refusing to go to one. sorry if you are a car salesman reading this:) be honest:)

Vegas Baby

Andrew and I planned a trip with a couple to vegas in december before i have this little guy... we.. butmainly i am SOOOO excited.... Well Andrew called me last Tuesday and said i am going to vegas! I was bummed because my manager did not let me go... but she did let me go on saturday so i took a plane up to vegas and got to stay one night in the MANDALAY BAY! whoa! that hotel is way nice. It was fun, expensive food but i just love the atmosphere there. I got to pet a baby lion! And... Elmo touched my stomach, haha its not everyday that you can get that kind of treatment! Vegas, I can't want to visit you in December for 3 days this time instead of one!


the miracle of life

Tomorrow i will be 6 months. It is crazy how fast the time is going. I just started another quarter at the bank, its weird how i measure my time as it goes by in the year by quarters instead of months.... i only about one quarter left plus a few weeks! The pregnancy is going so well now that i am not sick... I have gained 5 pounds, maybe 6 now since my apt was last month but we will see when i go back in. Brighton was confirmed 3 times over that it is for SURE a boy so i feel a lot more at ease now being pretty positive he wont come out a she. I however have not picked out what i shall decorate the nursery in. Its such a hard decision for me. I want it to be absolutely perfect so it will take me more time and planning. This special little guy has been waiting for andrew and I to make this move for so long now and i just want to make sure i dont regret the nursery i make for him... not that he will even care. haha. Its just the way i want it to be though. My Aunt and uncle are so generous and she practically bought us our crib and changing table set with all the linens and matress and all that good stuff... Its so pretty. It even came with the baskets for the changing table. So we have some progress... a few years ago andrew and i bought a pair of mossy oak boots as well so we have those:) I wish i could post a pic on here right now of what Andrew looks like.... he is sleeping on the love seat, louie is on his left shouler and miley is sleeping on his right arm and he is in deep slumber. Yesterday (saturday) he had to take a stage down in cottonwood at around 8 then drive back to phx and be at the aids walk at 3:30 am to setup another stage..... he asked me to go with him to cottonwood because sometimes he falls asleep and it scares me...i went and was able to drive him there and back safely and we even had a super yummy dinner at johnny rockets in the casino in camp verde:) So getting back to Andrew... He recently passed his test for a potential new job... we just got the word so more to come on what happens with that, but in the mean time he is working all the time and crazy hours to just make extra money:) We are hoping that i wont have to work after i have Brighton so evenything helps right now...
okay so to the baby...
The ultrasound showed he weighs 1 pound and one ounce... although i have gained 5... ugh... he is active as ever and he is already on my schedule which i hope he stays on. He does not move too much at night when i am sleeping and he lets me know he is awake with me throughout the day. I still am wearing my normal pants and at times the button area will push into my stomach when i am sitting down or bending over and he always kicks it... I think it is so cute. I was told that i would really enjoy being able to feel him inside me and i truly truly do its just the most amazing thing i have felt in any point in my life. Funny story... andrew and i went on a date the other night with katie and kyle... andrew was on the phone with me and making sure i got himextra clothes... he was going through a list to make sure i did not forget anything, it went kinda like this...
did you get my hat?, yes
did you get my shirt? yes
do you have the popcorn bag? yes
what about the cups?
okay, do you have the baby?
HAHA,... um yes i am pretty sure i do have him at all times.
I am excited to see where the next few months take us with this growing belly of mine and a potential new career for andrew.... yay! The many blessings we have seen this whole year is just astonishing. I cant be more happier that we decided to grow our family when we did. I was also told that when you first see your child at birth you forget your life before you ever had him or her.. It is wierd already because its hard to picture myself not pregnant and expecting this little guy. I can't wait!

I am who I am and I will be who I want to be- and yes I am a mormon.

So lately there has been things that are said that i am finding that i am letting bother me even though i should. If you get offended over religion then DO NOT read this post. This is my blog:) so i will say what i want however i want. First off there is a new marketing campaign with the mormon religion showing the world that we are normal people just like all humans. We do the same things from day to day, we have high hopes of raising a good wholesome family and we are just trying to make it from day to day, year to year as everyone else is. I did not want to go to church because i did not feel good, but i went and i am glad i did... we were taught about this new marketing campaign all centered around check it out because its pretty cool. Bottom line is 50% of americans dont know ANYTHING about our religion then there is some who think we are ANTI-GAY, weird, secretish, cultish, so on.... I will admit we (I) are a bit weird to most because of these reasons and i put them into my own life.
A. took pictures at a bachelorette party last night-
I..... did not show my legs, nor half of my butt cheeks, and i did not show my breasts let alone even a little bit of cleavage.
I....... did not grind my butt on a random guys frontal private parts at a club downtown just for a good time.
I........ did not pay 12 dollars for a drink to just get me drunk to forget where i am or what i am doing.
I....... DID however look like the odd (weird) girl amongst the group with a pair of jeans, flip flops and a big growning pregnant belly....
I........ DID NOT however feel weird or out of place because i knew my reason for being there, regardless of what others thought, i got some looks because i was pregnant and even a few whispers pertaining to if i was drinking or not but rest assured I last night was JUST like the rest of the girls there-just chose to make DIFFERENT decisions. BEcause IIIIIII WANTED to.... Not because my religion MAKES me.

B. moving on.... Mormons are NOT anti-gay. WE are pro marriage and from the beginning of time (hence ADAM and EVE)..... It has been a marriage between a WOMAN AND A MAN. which we still practice today, of course.... This does not mean that we are anti gay and we hate gay people like some have given us the name of... However i will say this and take it how you want. There is a difference in not agreeing or accepting the sin that someone bears wether it be alcoholism, drugs, sex or GAY- but still LOVING the person. HUGE difference and just because I am accepting of all people (Its just who i am... I am not a mormon who just judges everyone just because i THINK i can) does not make me a non beleiver, or a jack mormon, or UNSURE of my faith. Thank you! It is really sad to me that in the past week two people that i have met dont like our raligion because of a MORMON and the EXAMPLE they showed these non mombers- Makes me literally SICK to think that some LDS parents dont let their kids play at young ages with other small kids who are NOT LDS-
Apparently some MORMONS are showing the world an example of a downright mean and judgmental person, NOT an example of Christ.... If i do recall a HARLOT nonetheless was FORGIVEN by jesus... If a whore can get forgiveness from Jesus himself, then why cant YOU just be a good example to non members who think all this bad stuff about members of the church.

So much more to say... Now getting to this point. ever since Andrew and I have started sating there has been the gossip and yes it is gossip about how CERTAIN people would have never imagined us together... I have answered the question that many won't just come out and SAY in their gossip session but this is the truth.... I come from a very broken home, no real structure while growing up in Heber with parents who were off in their own world at that time. I joined the church after my sister brandi and brother brian and lived very right for the first 4 years, then i dated i can say probably THE single most worst guy in the town and made poor decisions. They followed me for a few years and I had to make a different name for myself away from the town of Heber where unfortunately some people still have that unaccepting small close mind that they will always have their WHOLE lives. Those people make and have made MANY mistakes, but they love just gossiping about others and pretend they have never done ANY wrong, but who am i to judge... So yes... I think people just want to be able to talk because for some crazy reason this broken starkes girl who went crazy for a few months ended up with such a good guy coming from such a strong family and a good upbringing...
Who are you to decide my fate? Who are you to make an opinion about how it ended and you just cant believe it? Oh yeah... you are just a person, another mormon who i never talk to because you are up on a pedastool who gives the good down to earth mormons a bad name. Shame on you. Shame on ANYONE who has said that Andrew and I can't be together because of decisions and mistakes made prior. The sin is in you...not me:)
On a better note. I will not defend my marriage in any instance because there is nothing to defend. Andrew is a great guy and husband and soon to be dad, and i a great woman and wife and soon to be mother. I hold no grudges against the specific people, it makes me laugh because i could be the same right back and ask how they got to where they are too. My mistakes were obvious and in the open and i could not hide them and pretend to be WORTHY. I am Mandy Crandell, not Starkes. I will NEVER be a starkes again, not to say the past is gone, but he who repents of his sins, will i remember them no more.

I cant control any of the mormon population that i know, but i can control my actions and as long as i am on this earth being mormon, which i will always be, i will always be accepting and non judgmental and do my best to not gossip about others. We (mormons) are NO better than any other person just because they are not Mormon or they hate mormons or whatever the case may be... maybe YOU as a mormon should try to be more like an example of CHRIST and less of a judmental human being.


the feeling of life

I dont post as regularly as i used to, i keep being told to just get a facebook so people can see me and see pictures of my growing baby bump and blah blah... truth is.... I dont want to. my sister would tell you that I am anti-facebook and i kinda am but not COMPLETELY.... here are my reasons.....
I already have a blog.
I dont have time.
My life is mine, why share it with people i USED to talk to from years ago that i have gone YEARS without talking to....
okay now i am just getting negative....
I literally work all the time... no joke... It is sad because I have gotten so spoiled on having my mom clean my house, then she moved so now i have to clean it again... I really love and enjoy cleaning and filing and all that stuff but there is just not enough time in my day.... I hope i can make up my mind if i am staying home with Brighton soon... I will be what they call a homemaker.... Weird... I have always worked.... ALWAYS. I do enjoy it, it gives me sense of entitlement but i am positive a career is mommying will be just as good... so back to the subject... I guess i just dont want to care enough to join the facebook world... also there was a talk given recently about how we as LDS people should not spend so much time wasting our lives on the worldy technological part of things that bring no spirituality.... i agree. This blog would typically be the same thing if i were on everyday... I like to use this as my journal, but it does not work out so well lately. Anyway the REAL reason for this post is because of Brighton. This tiny little man inside me that is finally allowing me to feel his little kicks and punches. ITs magical and amazing and although they are so faint I know right when he does it. I have so much love for Brighton already, I cant wait to see him!

20 Weeks!

I cant believe how quick the time is going with this little guy baking away:) Last night for the first time i felt the first "thump". He is just teasing me... I waited and am still waiting to feel it again but it has not happened... Andrew is a little jealous he cant feel it and is so excited to be able to start feeling brighton move around. Today I was out shopping on my day off and I was looking over all the little baby stuff and i am SO thankful that we are having a boy instead of a girl because i would be so broke. Girl stuff is much cuter than boy things and picking out the colors of the nursery today was really hard too, ah!!!! what do i do... so many choices... I am just glad that i still have until january though:) Things here are not much different at the Crandell home. I work all the time still and Andrew is not full time with Pro-Em so he is just free lancing and gets calls all the time for more work. He tested for Border Patrol today and we wont find out anything about that for about 6 weeks. We will see where that takes us. This past weekend i was able to go camping at our family reunion... a full 4 days off work, it was nice. I have not gone camping in like 3 years though! It was a lot of fun, i did not take too many pictures of course since i got a nice camera i never want to take it anywhere in case i break it! I will post them later.


Its a boy and a girl! only i am kidding.

okay so please excuse that these first two pictures are of girls room because it is NOT a girl! We are having a boy!!!! Andrew FINALLY made it home after 8 days of hunting in loah utah and we went on a date and found out that this little peanut is a boy! We have already named him as well. Brighton Jay Crandell. We are so excited to find out what it is. He will for sure be Andrew's little hunting buddy. I always wanted a boy first and i am exciting that is what we are getting first.... so to explain this picture... I love the wall and i think i will incorporate this into brightons room.... same with the 2nd picture, I just really love the walls on both.... moving on to the others... I have been looking at both boy and girl and the boys ones are some i saved to mesh some ideas together. I am already wanting to start his room since i want to do so much! Brighton is going to making his way into this world in about 5 months and i want to be very prepared for his arrival!

the name on the wall is just adorable

i dont like polka dots for boys so that is out, i do love the paisley though and i will not do a brown and plain color combo, cliche.

okay on this one i onlu like th wall.... nothing else, but then it seems just too much to put his name all over the wall... possible overload

i LITERALLY love these colors together, however brighton's crib is not this dark, still could make it work. I love the owls AND the willow deer..... decisions decisions

these colors are boring but i do like the painting patch work.... no rocking horse though.... creepy


Thankful for friends

I can't express today how blessed i am for the friends i have in my life. They would do anything for me, ANYTHING! at one low point in my life i had an abundance of friends, some who were only my friend for the "fame" some who were only there because i was the type of friend you could take advantage from, some for good reasons and then some because i was falling away from everything i knew to be true and they wanted to make sure i continued to be saved from the mormons. To be honest i never imagined in my life that i would ever be mormon. I came from this chaotic upbringing, i roamed the streets until 2 am and i never had any type of structure. I was a loose cannon. I was known as one of the starkes kids to the "dad that bombed the mormon church" ( not true by the way). I guess when i had THAT abundance of friends i never really felt worthy of pure, real friendship. From day to day things would change and gossip would be thrown around just to stabbed in the back or find out that your best friend is having a baby with your boyfriend... really? is this what is friendship? All these thoughts came to me yesterday as one of my friends was driving me to the hospital and STAYED with me until around 4am then to take me home and make sure i got into my house safely.... my thoughts are always random so my apologies. To get back to the point or points at this stage in my life... 3 years 4 months marries, 18 weeks pregnant, owning a home and married to the best man i could have ever had my prayers answered for... I wonder how i got here and just know how TRULY i am blessed and that i would not be here had i not decided to get order in my life, get rid of all the old (BAD) abundance of friends, or have you and come back to what i KNOW to be True, and the truth is heavenly father showed me the true church here on earth. It teaches me daily how to be an example of christ, it teaches me to forgive myself for the choices i made in my life and to forgive others. In my calling at church, the sunbeams teach me something every week and it is always most touching on the days where i feel like i dont have the power to get up and go to church for 3 hours. It teaches me to accept everyone, every walk of life, color race origin, etc and to not judge. I can go on an on, but i will restrain. It seems that i have gotten rid of my close minded mentality I have FRIENDS, true 100% selfless friends who accept me for who i am and what i do and what i look like, and me to them. It's a peaceful feeling to me today that i feel. If i had blank cards i would write all my friends a card just to tell them i love them all... maybe i will do just that. My friends, not all who are members of the church, are inspiring and uplifting to me everyday. I love them all so dearly and am excited to have each one of them in my life. Especially thanks to natalie who put up with me all night and all morning! It means so much to me.


I know what this little baby is....

I just went to the ultrasound and they determined what the sex of the baby is! yay!, 14 extremely long weeks of waiting!.... just to put it into an envelope to open up once husband returns from utah.... it is going to be a long 3 days.... Friday please hurry.


no pictures

lately me and Andrew have done so much! Its ridiculous always what we are doing. I fell like we are never ever home but even thought i have this amazing camera i never bring it and take pictures.. how awful am i... I have turned into one of thos boring people who just type everything. I love pictures too.... I need to get a life and bring my camera more! this next month there is so much going on... 2 weddings, disneyland, vacation!!!! oh man i cant wait... and i actually get to go to heber for the crandell famiy reunion and i can't wait!!!! I will bring my camera for sure!

a post so long past due...

It always takes me forever to post anything. My brother Brian asked me the other day if my pregnancy is still a for sure thing:) haha... In fact it is. It's so insane how time is flying. I find out tomorrow what it is...well actually i will find out Friday because thats when Andrew gets back form Utah. Since he is on vacation he went on a hunting trip with daniel and a few other guys from Heber. Since we had already planned the ultrasound we decided he should still go and i will still go but the doctor will put the info into an envelope and we will open it up on our date friday night once he gets home. I can't wait... Yesterday in church i had the funniest thing happen... I teach sunbeams and they are so much fun but they always say the darndest things. My favorite girl in the class tells me its time for the baby to jump up and down (thats how we get their energy out:)) and then i told her i dont think the baby wants to jump. She then insisted SHE did and that she could see her head and her hands and that her name is Sara.... Freaky right! I was telling the story to my sis today on the phone and she was saying how wierd it would be to actually have all that true just in the premortal!!! ahhh, well it was a little revelation form a sweet girl, we will see if she is right... on the girl part anyway, not the name:) So lat night as i am sleeping alone for the 4th night in a row I woke up and remembered my dream. I was in the hospital and andrew and i had a baby girl and she was so BEAUTIFUL. Really beyond all belief... I am so undecided on what i even think it is anymore. Boy or girl, whatev! I am just dying to know already!!!!!


out of the first trimester!

we even have gotten the 2 dimensional ultrasound which typically is not available until later but my doctor is pretty amazing... the baby looked away just as we were about to see its face...

So life has been entirely crazy here in the Crandell home. Both Andrew and I still have crazy work schedules and my house often goes uncleaned for a week at a time. There used to be a point where i was very ANAL about the well being and cleanliness of my house. I still am scaqred to have kids because i still dont like messes:) But this little baby inside has been making me sick since the 2nd week after we found out. I will have a bad week then a good day then a bad day and holy cow it is just a roller coaster. I find that if i dont eat something in time it will ruin my day with the worlds worst headache. I am hoping now that all that starts to go away with the start of my 2nd trimester... I have had 3 untrasounds so far, once a month and the next one i will get will be when we find out if it will be a girl or a boy. We are both hoping for a boy but as long as it is healthy and a boy OR a girl I will be happy. Andrew has been the absolute best. He is so excited and likes to lean about what is happening in every week. My mom is moving out at the end of this month and i am excited that i will start to get the nursery together! We still have quite the time until this little one makes its arrival so i am already pulling out the ideas for the nursery... Well thats about it for now. Maybe i will post again once we know what it will be:)


We are Expecting the first little Crandell into out home in 2012!

One of my girlfriends read my blog the other day and said it would have lured her more to read if the title gave away all the info in its entirety so there it is. For all those seeing the actual blurb instead of having to follow my pathetic attempt to once a year blog:) I hope to get better but i will not promise. Its way late right now, its 11 pm, i left work early to lay here on my couch and throw up all day. How come some people have so many kids again??? :)


funny you should ask!

So i see my last text was about baby time... I threw most off by saying i was just holding off on a baby until i got going with this ne promotion at the bank of mine, but the truth is, we are pregnant! We have been off BC since last year and jusy have been waiting out when we would be fortunate and blessed enough to get pregnant. We are still so early and it feels like it it is going by so slowly! Our 3 year anniversary came and went in may2nd, i will have to post about it because andrew planned sucha special outing for us. in fact so special that we ended up pregnant! ha, funny how that works. I just thought i would clear the air because i have already heard some stuff like being "sucks for them" or they were not plannin it.... Well actually, we were and we both are so very excited and are very happy we waited for how long we did. We are in a great position to have a baby and are both ready for this little bundle of joy to meet us in January!


Baby time?

Everyone i know and everyone around me is with Child. Its kinda sad. There are so many times where me and Andrew are so ready for it to be but its not... I guess i just keep waiting. Now that we are both starting our own businesses and i got a hugh promo at work it makes me even more sad because NOW its not the right time for kids. I keep thinking that i am being so selfish and that i need to fulfull my motherly calling then i always hold back... ughhhh.. why can't i just make up my mind!



well i know that i posted about my interview like FOREVER ago. The two days turned into like two weeks and i still did not hear back. A girl who i work with got announced that SHE got a promo but i was just left to wonder..... So the result is... YEP!! I am new miss maricopa wells fargo banker:) I am so extremely excited! I am excited for Andrew and I that i am doing so well with this company and moving up so quickly. Manager here i come! Andrew told me the other day that since i am always so good at my jobs that i was just born to work so he should stay at home with the kids when we have them.... i just dont know about that. It seems like i never am able to get on here and blog so here is a small update for now! All is well in crandellworld- Andrew should be getting his taxidermy up very soon! He even has a name picked out and a logo! he is pretty excited:)


PLEASE go to this website... Brandon Muir is a dear friend of Andrew and I. He has such a loving family and he is very sick. 25k is needed for his next surgery. The website explains it all! its this saturday march 5th- ANY size donation helps or you can buy raffle tickets to enter into drawings for over 40 prozes including a flat screen tv, airline tickets, photo sessions and much much more! PLEASE DONATE and help a family get their dad back!

dearest sister and brother in law yarns

I still love you and your family! I miss all you guys and i know i dont stay in contact much because if you read my below post you will understand- which i know you do anyhow- but one day when i am a mom and i dont work my life away then i wil be able to skype you and you can follow me on twitter and you can leave me dumb messages on my facebook because that is when i will have time in my day to do so.... Happy anniversary, you guys are getting to become a freakishly old married couple. Please dont start going to bed at 8 soon.. wait a few more years for that. I love you and miss you and send you my warmest squishes even though this is late and i could have told you on the phone earlier- peace

for all those of you who read my "inspirational" posts... and comments...

I just thought about logging in tonight and posting SOMETHING!!! but i was not sure what. I like it when i get comments, then i know at least SOMEONE has read my rantings which most of the time they are all over the place, my apologies:) The other day i was shocked when this particular person told me that they read my blog- i felt pretty good. Sometimes i post things on here thinking noone reads up on the crandell home in good ole maricopa--- so here is what has been happening.
1.) Andrew has been hard at work doing his taxidermy. He is so passionate about it and he often asks for my help to hold something or sometimes just to hold back the hair on the hide... and yes even one time he wanted my help skinning a bobcat- it was... different. I must say he has told me to shut my mouth a few times because i am so critical and i ask all kinds of questions because i am not exactly sure how it all works but i am learning... nevertheless, he still insists of having me a part of it:) haha. oh man... he is doing good though, ironically i found him his first client who he is doing like 6 mounts for! The other day he actually got his first phone call from a random stranger!!! He is still putting in lots of hours at Pro-Em and he helps out this other company and his bro at time when he can as well... needless to say he is a pretty busy guy.
2. As far as me... I am still obsessed with how i can become better with my photography and i am never far from looking at all the new camera accessories, lens, bodies... etc. It's too bad andrew and i both have expensive hobbies... since we are both just starting out we dont charge very much so we have to save up to upgrade:) I did my first twin photo shoot a few weeks ago and i am pretty happy with the outcome of that. I have already booked up my whole month of march aside from my long hours at wells fargo and I have a lot of events i will be volunteering at as well. I dont get a minute to myself anymore it seems...but on the good side i am doing service which is most pleasing and so gratifying! Wells Fargo... I love it! I would have never imagined that 5 months after i start i would be interviewing for a promotion... are you wondering what the answer is about my interview from like the beginning of February!!!!???? well.... here it is.... MONDAY! you will know monday...:)
3.) My mom... she is still living with us and is often doing my laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, cooking, and often times doing my errands and shopping! Yep she is like my live in maid for the moment... I will really miss her when she leaves... not to mention how much my dogs will! It;s so funny how much they truly love her... I cant seem to figure out how she does it just yet but one day i will....
4.) baby on the way? No, just to lay that out. It seems like EVERYONE is pregnant and having kids. I want one one day then the next i change my mind or dont feel ready and the list goes on and on. I am more ready now then i was when i first got married... i will just leave it at that:) BUT!!!!! for the first time in my married life...... which is ALMOST 3 YEARS! NOOOO woman on EITHER side is pregnant because Ginger just had her baby!!! I like that:)
let's leave this post to rest.


Don't be so quick to squawk

I have just realized this... well i can't say that i JUST realized this but there are certain random things that come to my mind... right now just happens to be one of them and luckily enough i am at my computer... Once upon a time I was a mean girl. I don't know why. I did not gain anything from it but i guess i sure did lose. I was out to dinner with a few friends the other night... they told me... "we vouched for you the other night" I said how is that??? They said there is a guy we hang out with who went to school with you and he just could not believe that you and Andrew had ended up married... For anyone who reads my blog you will probably agree with that. I was the converted LDS girl who was good for 4 years fell off the wagon to get back on to almost fall off again and in there i had my moments, dont we all. I can only say i WISH i would have done things different but i am not so sure that i would have. I mean sure i could have been that sweet little innocent grl who never fell victim to her upbringing but get real if thats what you were expecting. Think about this. I am for the most part normal. I never got into drugs when my parents were ALMOST columbian drug lords... haha I did not become a drunken alcolholic even though i was given the permission to drink ever since i turned 15... I did not get involved with TOO bad of people, and by the time i was 14 I had become a member of the most amazing church on earth. Hold on... I am getting somewhere with this. It;s not all bad... so back to my story... this guy said tha i was a pain the A in high school, and i WAS. I really was. I was only friendly and outgoing and make a fun life for myself the last two years of my high school of which the last year i had lost my best friend in the whole world to something that was a lie and i just bottled it all up inside and retaliated. For a moment i ruined my life. I thought about the words that guy had used to describe me in high school. No wonder why people were "worried: when they heard me and Andrew Crandell. I could only imagine in their eyes they are seeing a church full of innocent kids inside and i am the train roaring down the tracks a hundred miles an hour. That makes me sad. Sad to think that i was and still am the ONLY one to be able to make up for that. Not even make up for it but make it better from here on out. I so am the furthest thing from mean. I CAN be... like when i punch andrew in the kidneys, but other than that i mean to harm. I know since I dont keep in touch with many people that they would ever read my blog but to those who do and i was mean to you in my days of high school, I am sorry:( I was just a dumb kid who thought i was the most important thing in life. So just remember that next time when someone says I am a pain in the butt... I might be, but in high school i did not mean it:)))
Now on this OTHER thought of mine... I have CRAZY neighbors and they fight aLOT and just live a different lifestyle... bless them for that. But... I SERIOULSY have the most cool amazing super hot husband who truly truly cares and loves me... He is simply Ah-mazing. For that simple fact i am so thankful that he is the one by my side. Oh how i wish he were in primary with me on Sundays. I could use his skills, his patients and his understanding when a kid pulls a booger out of his nose and wants to share it.... There is just something about him being a priesthood holder that i just adore... I realized tonight that when i started crying watching the biggest loser that he sees me for ME. period. I am emotional a baby at times. He gets me things when i break my foot again... yes i did it AGAIN! and he does ot even call me the L word... Lazy... haha. I ditched church this sunday because of the broken foot on saturday and sunday morning i was wokent o him dressed and ready to go to church without me... that is a true leading example.
Here is my last thought for the night....
I can't even begin to tell you how much debt i see in my job. Everyday i see someone drowning in their debt or unable to manage money. Some are legit and some are just careless. I was able to get a 35 dollar fee removed today off a ladies account who is normally one of my regular customers. She is out of a job and hardly has any money at all. She did not ask for help, in fact she did not even know she got a fee yet. I just felt in my heart that giving her back that 3 dollars would make a world of difference for her. I called her up and let her know she got the fee because of a 15 dollar check that went through. I could hear the hurt in her voice when i told her and she said she would try to go do a side job to come in and pay it. I told her i took care of it as well as deposited 25 dollars in her account (it was not my money) . I was amazed at how her reaction was i can not even begin to describe. It just filled my heart. I did not DO anything really that makes me the hero... I thought i would try and help her and her boy out and in return she taught me a lesson that was just so indescribable i cant describe what i felt in words. When you think your life is hard- just think of someone elses. goodnight.


I just called to say... I'm sorry.

I just wanted to say sorry tonight. A heart felt sorry to all the Steelers fans who were so set that the steelers would not lose to a team like the packers.... Yay for cheese heads! :)


more good news

It seeme like this year is just full of good times so far! I am happy to say that I with the anticipation of this new wells fargo job that i have... went into it hoping that within 6 months i could have the opportunity to become a banker... I was told no that i had to wait 12 months... I have given this teller position everything that i have and it is HARD! Yesterday i was told by my manager that he thinks that i am ready to become a banker but that it is not a 100% guarantee... ughhhhhh. I have to INTERVIEW. I am bad with interviews i think.. I am so critical of myself! but... I am SOOOO excited... so here is kinda the scoop... I wont blab of what i make now because it is ok... but right now my bonus checks cap out every quarter just like the bankers... but if i make banker it could potentially be 10 times MORE! WHAT! yes.. 6 dollars more an hour and wayyyy bigger bonus checks. This would be amazing... Since i lost my oh so good paying job at verizon it has been a little tight so this would be such a blessing! I am so grateful that we both have jobs however and we have been able to pay all our bills and still have some fun, but i got used to making a good pay every year with VZW and it would be nice to start building the savings back up....SOOOOOO i interview with the big boss on Wednesday... I have to give a little something something on a non wes fargo product.... I have no idea what i am going to do!!!!! but... wish me luck!

I can't beleive the way i feel

I can't even put into words how i feel today. It's pretty amazing though. This year me and Andrew decided not to slack on anything or take anything for grantid... example.. Church and all the fine blessings that come with it. These are our thoughts wel just a few... church is mostly habit and i i dont mean that in a bad thing. once you get out of the habit of going you find it easier to find xcuses to not go or to work on sunday or to just find other ways to justify breaking the sabbath... once you get behind on your tithing its too hard to catch back up.... okay i will stop there because i am ruining my mood... Andrew and I just wanted to give 100% again. We saw the spots where we became laxed, working on the sabbath because we "had" to and watching a rated r movie just because it looks REALLY good. We would never just drink a beer because it smells really good would we? Of course not so why cut corners else where... I had this happen to me at work last year. wells fargo sent out reimbursement checks to people who had their mortgage there because taxes went down... I had 2 testifying moments and the people had no idea i was a member of the church... one guy got a check for 900 ISH- i asked him if the check came to his surprise and he said yes! He said you have no idea how thankful i am for it because my wife almost divorced me! He said that earlier that week he had felt the need to donate 900 dolalrs to a charity and when he told his wife she was really upset... who has 900 to just "donate" in these times? i felt so bad for him... but then he said I am just so thankful for this blessing, I know it is all because i pay my tithing to the lord. It killed me because i knew i had not paid my tithing fully in 2010. second scenario a woman came in and had a check from the same situation... she said that if this check did not come she had no idea how she was going to pay her 1600 dollar mortgage... she has 6 kids and her husband is out of work:( again it showed the blessings we get when we pay our tithing! last thing that also happened was a woman came in to make a deposit.. I asked her what account because she was showing2 on the system, she said i only have one... i told her she had 1 active and one in pending close state but she knew nothing of it... her husband was supposed to close it back in july but he left the money in there... she banked 800 dllars that day and she cried to me! she was so thankful and i t just lit my heart up. I cannot express hwo thankful i am for what i have and being able to pay tithing. I have paid this year, yes i know we are only 20 days in but today andrew and i were blessed TWICE! just from paying our tithing and it makes me feel amazing. It is sad that members like me choose to not hold tight to that rod. We are all human so we make mistakes. I am so thankful for our ward out here and how accepting and loving they have been and are! We truly were supposed to make our home out here in maricopa! I feel like i am becoming a woman! as cliche as that sounds i have always been "waiting" for that time when i would start looking at myself as an adult and i think that being apart of a steady ward with a calling and Andrew and I starting on our path to being parents (no not yet) is making me look at myself in a new light. My husband truly amazed me today too. This guy he works with is going down a bad path and he said somethin to the affect to andrew about if andrew had a lot of money there is no way andrew woudl turn down cheating on me with a hot bankging blonde and that all marriages are based on money and there is no TRUE love.... Andrew told him his feelings and in a way testified to this guy of what he believes and if you know ANdrew you know at all costs he would pretty much avoid a debate ESPECIALLY to that magnitude... but he didn't. i dont know where that ramble was going but i know that since our church attendance and involvement has been steady and consistent the blessings and our feelings have changed so much. I am truly grateful for this. For the sacrifices that were made so i cn repent for these dumb little mistakes i make every day! It is so amazing to have the restored chirch on the earth today to guide my family!