I am who I am and I will be who I want to be- and yes I am a mormon.

So lately there has been things that are said that i am finding that i am letting bother me even though i should. If you get offended over religion then DO NOT read this post. This is my blog:) so i will say what i want however i want. First off there is a new marketing campaign with the mormon religion showing the world that we are normal people just like all humans. We do the same things from day to day, we have high hopes of raising a good wholesome family and we are just trying to make it from day to day, year to year as everyone else is. I did not want to go to church because i did not feel good, but i went and i am glad i did... we were taught about this new marketing campaign all centered around www.mormon.org check it out because its pretty cool. Bottom line is 50% of americans dont know ANYTHING about our religion then there is some who think we are ANTI-GAY, weird, secretish, cultish, so on.... I will admit we (I) are a bit weird to most because of these reasons and i put them into my own life.
A. took pictures at a bachelorette party last night-
I..... did not show my legs, nor half of my butt cheeks, and i did not show my breasts let alone even a little bit of cleavage.
I....... did not grind my butt on a random guys frontal private parts at a club downtown just for a good time.
I........ did not pay 12 dollars for a drink to just get me drunk to forget where i am or what i am doing.
I....... DID however look like the odd (weird) girl amongst the group with a pair of jeans, flip flops and a big growning pregnant belly....
I........ DID NOT however feel weird or out of place because i knew my reason for being there, regardless of what others thought, i got some looks because i was pregnant and even a few whispers pertaining to if i was drinking or not but rest assured I last night was JUST like the rest of the girls there-just chose to make DIFFERENT decisions. BEcause IIIIIII WANTED to.... Not because my religion MAKES me.

B. moving on.... Mormons are NOT anti-gay. WE are pro marriage and from the beginning of time (hence ADAM and EVE)..... It has been a marriage between a WOMAN AND A MAN. which we still practice today, of course.... This does not mean that we are anti gay and we hate gay people like some have given us the name of... However i will say this and take it how you want. There is a difference in not agreeing or accepting the sin that someone bears wether it be alcoholism, drugs, sex or GAY- but still LOVING the person. HUGE difference and just because I am accepting of all people (Its just who i am... I am not a mormon who just judges everyone just because i THINK i can) does not make me a non beleiver, or a jack mormon, or UNSURE of my faith. Thank you! It is really sad to me that in the past week two people that i have met dont like our raligion because of a MORMON and the EXAMPLE they showed these non mombers- Makes me literally SICK to think that some LDS parents dont let their kids play at young ages with other small kids who are NOT LDS-
Apparently some MORMONS are showing the world an example of a downright mean and judgmental person, NOT an example of Christ.... If i do recall a HARLOT nonetheless was FORGIVEN by jesus... If a whore can get forgiveness from Jesus himself, then why cant YOU just be a good example to non members who think all this bad stuff about members of the church.

So much more to say... Now getting to this point. ever since Andrew and I have started sating there has been the gossip and yes it is gossip about how CERTAIN people would have never imagined us together... I have answered the question that many won't just come out and SAY in their gossip session but this is the truth.... I come from a very broken home, no real structure while growing up in Heber with parents who were off in their own world at that time. I joined the church after my sister brandi and brother brian and lived very right for the first 4 years, then i dated i can say probably THE single most worst guy in the town and made poor decisions. They followed me for a few years and I had to make a different name for myself away from the town of Heber where unfortunately some people still have that unaccepting small close mind that they will always have their WHOLE lives. Those people make and have made MANY mistakes, but they love just gossiping about others and pretend they have never done ANY wrong, but who am i to judge... So yes... I think people just want to be able to talk because for some crazy reason this broken starkes girl who went crazy for a few months ended up with such a good guy coming from such a strong family and a good upbringing...
Who are you to decide my fate? Who are you to make an opinion about how it ended and you just cant believe it? Oh yeah... you are just a person, another mormon who i never talk to because you are up on a pedastool who gives the good down to earth mormons a bad name. Shame on you. Shame on ANYONE who has said that Andrew and I can't be together because of decisions and mistakes made prior. The sin is in you...not me:)
On a better note. I will not defend my marriage in any instance because there is nothing to defend. Andrew is a great guy and husband and soon to be dad, and i a great woman and wife and soon to be mother. I hold no grudges against the specific people, it makes me laugh because i could be the same right back and ask how they got to where they are too. My mistakes were obvious and in the open and i could not hide them and pretend to be WORTHY. I am Mandy Crandell, not Starkes. I will NEVER be a starkes again, not to say the past is gone, but he who repents of his sins, will i remember them no more.

I cant control any of the mormon population that i know, but i can control my actions and as long as i am on this earth being mormon, which i will always be, i will always be accepting and non judgmental and do my best to not gossip about others. We (mormons) are NO better than any other person just because they are not Mormon or they hate mormons or whatever the case may be... maybe YOU as a mormon should try to be more like an example of CHRIST and less of a judmental human being.

the feeling of life

I dont post as regularly as i used to, i keep being told to just get a facebook so people can see me and see pictures of my growing baby bump and blah blah... truth is.... I dont want to. my sister would tell you that I am anti-facebook and i kinda am but not COMPLETELY.... here are my reasons.....
I already have a blog.
I dont have time.
My life is mine, why share it with people i USED to talk to from years ago that i have gone YEARS without talking to....
okay now i am just getting negative....
I literally work all the time... no joke... It is sad because I have gotten so spoiled on having my mom clean my house, then she moved so now i have to clean it again... I really love and enjoy cleaning and filing and all that stuff but there is just not enough time in my day.... I hope i can make up my mind if i am staying home with Brighton soon... I will be what they call a homemaker.... Weird... I have always worked.... ALWAYS. I do enjoy it, it gives me sense of entitlement but i am positive a career is mommying will be just as good... so back to the subject... I guess i just dont want to care enough to join the facebook world... also there was a talk given recently about how we as LDS people should not spend so much time wasting our lives on the worldy technological part of things that bring no spirituality.... i agree. This blog would typically be the same thing if i were on everyday... I like to use this as my journal, but it does not work out so well lately. Anyway the REAL reason for this post is because of Brighton. This tiny little man inside me that is finally allowing me to feel his little kicks and punches. ITs magical and amazing and although they are so faint I know right when he does it. I have so much love for Brighton already, I cant wait to see him!

20 Weeks!

I cant believe how quick the time is going with this little guy baking away:) Last night for the first time i felt the first "thump". He is just teasing me... I waited and am still waiting to feel it again but it has not happened... Andrew is a little jealous he cant feel it and is so excited to be able to start feeling brighton move around. Today I was out shopping on my day off and I was looking over all the little baby stuff and i am SO thankful that we are having a boy instead of a girl because i would be so broke. Girl stuff is much cuter than boy things and picking out the colors of the nursery today was really hard too, ah!!!! what do i do... so many choices... I am just glad that i still have until january though:) Things here are not much different at the Crandell home. I work all the time still and Andrew is not full time with Pro-Em so he is just free lancing and gets calls all the time for more work. He tested for Border Patrol today and we wont find out anything about that for about 6 weeks. We will see where that takes us. This past weekend i was able to go camping at our family reunion... a full 4 days off work, it was nice. I have not gone camping in like 3 years though! It was a lot of fun, i did not take too many pictures of course since i got a nice camera i never want to take it anywhere in case i break it! I will post them later.