A sad day for my mom continued... (graphic pictures)

I am not going to comment on any of these photos, there is not too many words to describe them... here is the story. I called my mom and she was crying- this was the reason why. My mom comes from a family of smokers, her mom-my grandma- has emphysema and some other breathing problems where it is hard for her to even choke out a complete sentence. It is sad, but they choose to do what they do. my aunt just like my grandma has (had) breathing problems as well but continued to smoke. What came about was that in these pictures she started out on life support-the ones with the tubes of course. Here is my rememberance of what happened. When me and my mom entered the hospital I felt queasy, I hate death actually i hate seeing dead things. We were directed to the room where a "meeting" about my aunt was being held. I kid you not it was something out of a movie or some type of a tv show. the hospital staff was "expecting" us and they ushered us into a room full of people that i didn't know, doctors, nurses and family. As soon as i sat down they proceeded with the talk of nerve endings, brain dead, coma, and no brain activity. When we were about 6 hours from the hospital we were told that the results from the cat scan were negative for any brain activity-if that were the case they were going to pull the plug. Ugh! The doctor said that the life support was giving her 12 respiratory breaths per minute and she was doing between 5 and 6 on her own but that she had absolutely no brain activity, but SOMEWHERE in the very back lower part of her brain she was alive and it was working but that she would NEVER come to, recognize or move a single part of her body again. What do you say to that? I could do nothing but look at the floor because I literally was to throw up all over my boots. After all, the decision was made to pull the plug- the doctor said that every patient is different and it all depends on "their" will to survive on their own without the life support-forgive me when i say i am confused, but I think that life support means "LIFE" and not will support- anyhow, she continued to say that it could take as little as 20 minutes or even a few weeks. Since my mother or I had not seen her they took us into the room to see her before and while they were taking out all of her tubes... It was sad, what mad me the most sad was my grandmother. Me of being LDS faith I know and understand death and why it happens and i know that families are forever. My grandma just kept crying and crying (and I know it is sad) but she just didn't understand the reason for it and she kept telling us if she would have got there a little sooner then she would have been able to save her and that she would still be alive. My aunt was diagnose with severe emphysema but she did not tell anyone, she was taking abuterol treatments on a REGULAR basis, she could not survive without it, on top of that she had asthma. The morning went something like this. My aunt called my grandma to see if she would go pick up her abuterol medication from the store, grandma says yes and to let her know when the medication was done. Grandma never gets a call from aunt diane, she calls the pharm to see if it was picked up-negative...called a friend to see ifshe had gotten it for her-negative. Grandma goes over to aunt diane's (which is in walking distance) and knocks but gets no answer, bangs on the house with a rock, dogs were barking but no answer from Diane, she goes home, makes a few more phone calls and goes back over and calls the cops. they finally break a window and the cops help grandma into a window. Other problem was aunt diane's door was locked as well, as soon as they get the last door open they found her body. The paramedics worked on her for what seemed like hours grandma says until someone called out that they have a pulse... The rest of the story is what i already wrote. Watching my aunt die was horrible and it made me sad to have to see my family in such hurt, i wish i could have just made them understand death a little better and it would have been easier on all of them. The next few days were spent packing up stuff and listening to stories about the family that we don't get to see too often. I wish that everyone had the understanding of the gospel and what it does for our lives. i am truly grateful to have the gospel and know that I am part of an eternal family. i must say that the chaplain of this praticular hospital was VERY touchy and it creeped me out because the last thing i want to have happen while i am watching my aunt take her last breaths is to be touched by some unknown man, it was weird. I hope that the rest of my family in Oregon can find peace after everything that happened with my Aunt Diane. She will be missed.

Previously I blogged about my mom's sister dying... My mom took her vacation from work and we set off to Oregon, due to plane tickets being 450 each for spur of the moment we decided to drive... I have more pictures of my aunt that i will post right above this but they are a little graphic and I wanted to also blog about the rest of our trip. so here are the pictures:) enjoy. This is a REAL picture that i took... I think it looks fake, like something off of a post card, This is Mt. Shasta. It is SURREAL in real life, not sure if any of my blog readers have been there but it is such a pretty place. this was one of the perks of driving the way we drove.

What i DID love about Oregon is that you don't have to pump your own gas, yes the gas is a little more expensive, and it is ILLEGAL for you to do it yourself, but trust me it was COLD and it was nice to have it all done for you.

another reason why i LOVe oregon is because it has these HUGE trees all over the place. It reminds me of Christmas.

And buildings like this, the Prinville courthouse... we don't have any of those cool things in Arizona like this. Instead of water in their fountain out front, they had tree branches because the water would just freeze, it was cool.

This was somewhere in Bend actually, we drove by and saw it and had to turn around to take a picture.

A closer shot,

Andrews fav picture out of all the ones i took

This scared me-BAD! When we had to leave, we left in the middle of all the horrible storms, ALL the way from my house up to the shasta mountains it was pure DOWNPOUR! then from then on up to Bend it was snow... this picture was taken on the way home when it was REALLY bad, I could only go 25-30 for HOURS! It was a LONG ride home.

This was my aunt Dian'es house... the window that you see that has that boc spring by it was the window my grandma had to go through to get into the house. Sadly this house is not even as big as my upstairs loft, Pretty sad it took so long to get inside of it.

Aside from all the commotion going on, me and my mom found a little time to check out the town of Prineville, it had been 14 sum years since we had been there. This tree was free but you had to haul it away-problem was---? It was HUGE, but really nice.

This was an AMAZING mirror on sale in a botique, it was nearly 1000.00!

andrew says my grandma Leta looks like a movie star... agree?

mom and grandma

the courthouse again

So many thoughts...

I have so many thoughts in my head right now and I can't explain ANY of them. I find myself being so flustered lately and want to just scream at the world. it is like everywhere we turn there is more negativity and more crap going on in the world... I founf out the other day that some of the kids i watch were given beer by an ADULT! Mind you the kids are 3, 5 and 7. I ALMOST did not beleive it and just blew it off but i could not take it. It always seems like when you are trying to get back on top of things you find out someone else is making off with something for nothing. It makes me feel like I try so hard to just be left in the dust by someone else who will lie, cheat, and steal to get ahead in life. It kinda makes me crazy and relly sad for those people at the same time. I know this all seems like I am ranting and raving but as i said... these are my thoughts that I cannot explain. I literally could not even fathom what this world would be like without the church, or where i would be had my family not moved up to Heber and went through everything we had went through. Every corner you turn anymore even in a store you are faced with border line porn, sins and temptations and down here I see a lot of parents who should not have kids- not that I am a person to say that anyone is not fit for having kids, but I am a firm beleiver that you watch your kids and you take care of them, raise them and instill respect and good behavior in them from the beginning. The other day I took my kids i watch to the park, me and a friend were there sitting and chatting when 2 boys rode up on bikes, one was black and the other was white. One said to me "What's up." So i replied back the same and then was nice and started talking to them, (they were probably 7-10). I asked the black boy where he lived...his reply/.//"Why?, are you going to tell on me?" I laughed and said well have you been bad? Anyway to make a long story short 2 more boys showed up and they proceeded to climb the ramada which is dangerous and also jump peoples fences to get into their backyards, I calmly went over and just gently asked the boys that if their parents were here would they be doing what they were doing and they all 4 answered no. about an hour later we went to the other park where the same boys were all but one of them and they all came up to me and started talking, the first little black boy who i saw at the first park asked me to clean the dirt off of him because if his mom found out that he was outside he would be grounded. I asked why and he said that he had been bad at school so he was grounded for the day and that he did not want to sit in his room so he snuck out the upstairs window... I could not beleive it.. I asked him what his mom was doing that she had no idea that he had snuck out and he told me she was downstairs on the computer... I was shocked, i did not understand what type of parent would ground their kid for beign bad in school and then they not make sure that the kid was not sneaking out of the house, I just thought of an oblivious parent-kinda like how i was raised to a point and I had no choice but to say a little prayer for this boy that he would find the church someday and make a good life for himself. I told him that he should go home before he got himself in more trouble and he said that he could not now because his dad was home and if he got caught his dad would take him into the closet where no one can hear him scream and beat him. I wanted to throw up and cry at the same time. This is the kind of stuff that I just don't understand. I don't know what it is like to have my own kids since I am not a parent, but i could not imagine bringing a child into this life and then BEATING it in a closet, or even ignoring it and being so oblivious that my child who is so young is sneaking out og the house-phew this post is long-good thing i don't have to go through and read it.
So anyway these are some of the thoughts in my head lately. i find myself watching all the forensic file shows when i find the time and I am having some crazy dreams lately- andrew is working so much that I feel sorry for him since he never finds the time to eat hardly anymore, all at the same time that I am so thankful that i have such a strong husband and that he works so hard to provide for us. I am starting a new job next week that I am pretty excited about, not about the job, just that i will be helping out more with the bills like i used to. Let me tell you it is HARD finding a good job anymore. I wish i would have stayed in college when i was single and life would be much easier right now i do beleive. since i got the job i will not be running in the ragnar race i was training and running for, i am bummed but i am happy that i can run a consistent 3 miles now before i feel like death instead of 2:) now i will just have to keep running and work towards a different goal. i am also doing HORRIBLY in the biggest loser. I thought I would be killing the competition but i find just shear laziness out of myself lately and I think it is because I don't have a job so i don't have to get up everyday and go outside and get ready and face reality! Ha as bad as that sounds it also feels nice to have a break. I have worked full time since i was 9! Now that i am 23 and i SHOULD have a job I almost feel like I am making up for some lost childhood time. On the flip side of that I know people and i have family who have alot of kids and would kill for just some time that i have so I need to be grateful for the time i have had by myself without a job. So there is not much more going on in the Crandell household besides what I posted a few days ago about the full house. i am going to go join my wonderful husband in bed now, it is 1030 and he has been asleep since like 9, he has to get up at 3... oh man he has crazy hours! until next time...

Silence

It seems so very odd that lately i have had 4 dogs, 4 adults, and anywhere between 4 and 5 kids in my house, but now there is just me, well and my dogs. yes i said dogs. What i REALLY find funny is that from all the riff raff that me and Andrew get about having kids we are still putting that off but did find room and the time to take on another yorkie that we named miley. For the past month i have been doing child care and I know have 4 full time kids. It is a lot of fun, but then you add my roomate and she has a dog, then lately the kids have been having to spend the night, also my brother in law found a job down here so in the week he is here with us with his little puppy pit bull. It is CRAZY! but at the same time alot of fun. I have NEVER had a full house. Since me and Andrew got married it has only been the two of us and our little louie for some of the time. This past week mike brought Eighmey down, which mind you I have been practically BEGGING brandi to let me keep her for a weekend and I would take her to the zoo, but it does not work out. So this past week was fun! Monday I (and the rest of the phx area) took my niece to the zoo, i had a neighbor and her kids go with me. Me and Eighmey rode the camels, pet the stingrays and we even fed the giraffes. she has a fun time but did not last stayign awake in the car too long after that. For the rest of the week I just watched all the little kids and cooked and cleaned, and cleaned some more. My roomate is now telling me that ia m a compulsive cleaner, andrew agrees but says for all my cleaning i do the house is still a mess! Ha oh how can i please everyone? I can't... so for now I will sit all by myself on the couch with no tv and just listen to the SILENCE. :)

I need your help making a decision--

Okay here is my dilema... I can't choose what bedding i want, here are some that i found that i like, i am doing my room black and white, i love paisleys but they are hard to find on bedding that is not 5000 from neiman marcus, and since i am not rich that is out of my budget:) So help me out, leave me a comment and tell me which one you are voting for- it's the war of the bedding! 12

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5 i know this is not black and white but i liked it so much and since i have always wanted a green room this one would do the trick too

6 this one is pretty cool because it is reversible so i would get both of these patterns

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our new addition

Saturday we found out that we would be adding another member to our household... stay tuned for pictures.