So many thoughts...

I have so many thoughts in my head right now and I can't explain ANY of them. I find myself being so flustered lately and want to just scream at the world. it is like everywhere we turn there is more negativity and more crap going on in the world... I founf out the other day that some of the kids i watch were given beer by an ADULT! Mind you the kids are 3, 5 and 7. I ALMOST did not beleive it and just blew it off but i could not take it. It always seems like when you are trying to get back on top of things you find out someone else is making off with something for nothing. It makes me feel like I try so hard to just be left in the dust by someone else who will lie, cheat, and steal to get ahead in life. It kinda makes me crazy and relly sad for those people at the same time. I know this all seems like I am ranting and raving but as i said... these are my thoughts that I cannot explain. I literally could not even fathom what this world would be like without the church, or where i would be had my family not moved up to Heber and went through everything we had went through. Every corner you turn anymore even in a store you are faced with border line porn, sins and temptations and down here I see a lot of parents who should not have kids- not that I am a person to say that anyone is not fit for having kids, but I am a firm beleiver that you watch your kids and you take care of them, raise them and instill respect and good behavior in them from the beginning. The other day I took my kids i watch to the park, me and a friend were there sitting and chatting when 2 boys rode up on bikes, one was black and the other was white. One said to me "What's up." So i replied back the same and then was nice and started talking to them, (they were probably 7-10). I asked the black boy where he lived...his reply/.//"Why?, are you going to tell on me?" I laughed and said well have you been bad? Anyway to make a long story short 2 more boys showed up and they proceeded to climb the ramada which is dangerous and also jump peoples fences to get into their backyards, I calmly went over and just gently asked the boys that if their parents were here would they be doing what they were doing and they all 4 answered no. about an hour later we went to the other park where the same boys were all but one of them and they all came up to me and started talking, the first little black boy who i saw at the first park asked me to clean the dirt off of him because if his mom found out that he was outside he would be grounded. I asked why and he said that he had been bad at school so he was grounded for the day and that he did not want to sit in his room so he snuck out the upstairs window... I could not beleive it.. I asked him what his mom was doing that she had no idea that he had snuck out and he told me she was downstairs on the computer... I was shocked, i did not understand what type of parent would ground their kid for beign bad in school and then they not make sure that the kid was not sneaking out of the house, I just thought of an oblivious parent-kinda like how i was raised to a point and I had no choice but to say a little prayer for this boy that he would find the church someday and make a good life for himself. I told him that he should go home before he got himself in more trouble and he said that he could not now because his dad was home and if he got caught his dad would take him into the closet where no one can hear him scream and beat him. I wanted to throw up and cry at the same time. This is the kind of stuff that I just don't understand. I don't know what it is like to have my own kids since I am not a parent, but i could not imagine bringing a child into this life and then BEATING it in a closet, or even ignoring it and being so oblivious that my child who is so young is sneaking out og the house-phew this post is long-good thing i don't have to go through and read it.
So anyway these are some of the thoughts in my head lately. i find myself watching all the forensic file shows when i find the time and I am having some crazy dreams lately- andrew is working so much that I feel sorry for him since he never finds the time to eat hardly anymore, all at the same time that I am so thankful that i have such a strong husband and that he works so hard to provide for us. I am starting a new job next week that I am pretty excited about, not about the job, just that i will be helping out more with the bills like i used to. Let me tell you it is HARD finding a good job anymore. I wish i would have stayed in college when i was single and life would be much easier right now i do beleive. since i got the job i will not be running in the ragnar race i was training and running for, i am bummed but i am happy that i can run a consistent 3 miles now before i feel like death instead of 2:) now i will just have to keep running and work towards a different goal. i am also doing HORRIBLY in the biggest loser. I thought I would be killing the competition but i find just shear laziness out of myself lately and I think it is because I don't have a job so i don't have to get up everyday and go outside and get ready and face reality! Ha as bad as that sounds it also feels nice to have a break. I have worked full time since i was 9! Now that i am 23 and i SHOULD have a job I almost feel like I am making up for some lost childhood time. On the flip side of that I know people and i have family who have alot of kids and would kill for just some time that i have so I need to be grateful for the time i have had by myself without a job. So there is not much more going on in the Crandell household besides what I posted a few days ago about the full house. i am going to go join my wonderful husband in bed now, it is 1030 and he has been asleep since like 9, he has to get up at 3... oh man he has crazy hours! until next time...