I have just realized this... well i can't say that i JUST realized this but there are certain random things that come to my mind... right now just happens to be one of them and luckily enough i am at my computer... Once upon a time I was a mean girl. I don't know why. I did not gain anything from it but i guess i sure did lose. I was out to dinner with a few friends the other night... they told me... "we vouched for you the other night" I said how is that??? They said there is a guy we hang out with who went to school with you and he just could not believe that you and Andrew had ended up married... For anyone who reads my blog you will probably agree with that. I was the converted LDS girl who was good for 4 years fell off the wagon to get back on to almost fall off again and in there i had my moments, dont we all. I can only say i WISH i would have done things different but i am not so sure that i would have. I mean sure i could have been that sweet little innocent grl who never fell victim to her upbringing but get real if thats what you were expecting. Think about this. I am for the most part normal. I never got into drugs when my parents were ALMOST columbian drug lords... haha I did not become a drunken alcolholic even though i was given the permission to drink ever since i turned 15... I did not get involved with TOO bad of people, and by the time i was 14 I had become a member of the most amazing church on earth. Hold on... I am getting somewhere with this. It;s not all bad... so back to my story... this guy said tha i was a pain the A in high school, and i WAS. I really was. I was only friendly and outgoing and make a fun life for myself the last two years of my high school of which the last year i had lost my best friend in the whole world to something that was a lie and i just bottled it all up inside and retaliated. For a moment i ruined my life. I thought about the words that guy had used to describe me in high school. No wonder why people were "worried: when they heard me and Andrew Crandell. I could only imagine in their eyes they are seeing a church full of innocent kids inside and i am the train roaring down the tracks a hundred miles an hour. That makes me sad. Sad to think that i was and still am the ONLY one to be able to make up for that. Not even make up for it but make it better from here on out. I so am the furthest thing from mean. I CAN be... like when i punch andrew in the kidneys, but other than that i mean to harm. I know since I dont keep in touch with many people that they would ever read my blog but to those who do and i was mean to you in my days of high school, I am sorry:( I was just a dumb kid who thought i was the most important thing in life. So just remember that next time when someone says I am a pain in the butt... I might be, but in high school i did not mean it:)))
Now on this OTHER thought of mine... I have CRAZY neighbors and they fight aLOT and just live a different lifestyle... bless them for that. But... I SERIOULSY have the most cool amazing super hot husband who truly truly cares and loves me... He is simply Ah-mazing. For that simple fact i am so thankful that he is the one by my side. Oh how i wish he were in primary with me on Sundays. I could use his skills, his patients and his understanding when a kid pulls a booger out of his nose and wants to share it.... There is just something about him being a priesthood holder that i just adore... I realized tonight that when i started crying watching the biggest loser that he sees me for ME. period. I am emotional a baby at times. He gets me things when i break my foot again... yes i did it AGAIN! and he does ot even call me the L word... Lazy... haha. I ditched church this sunday because of the broken foot on saturday and sunday morning i was wokent o him dressed and ready to go to church without me... that is a true leading example.
Here is my last thought for the night....
I can't even begin to tell you how much debt i see in my job. Everyday i see someone drowning in their debt or unable to manage money. Some are legit and some are just careless. I was able to get a 35 dollar fee removed today off a ladies account who is normally one of my regular customers. She is out of a job and hardly has any money at all. She did not ask for help, in fact she did not even know she got a fee yet. I just felt in my heart that giving her back that 3 dollars would make a world of difference for her. I called her up and let her know she got the fee because of a 15 dollar check that went through. I could hear the hurt in her voice when i told her and she said she would try to go do a side job to come in and pay it. I told her i took care of it as well as deposited 25 dollars in her account (it was not my money) . I was amazed at how her reaction was i can not even begin to describe. It just filled my heart. I did not DO anything really that makes me the hero... I thought i would try and help her and her boy out and in return she taught me a lesson that was just so indescribable i cant describe what i felt in words. When you think your life is hard- just think of someone elses. goodnight.
I know we don't talk a lot, that sucks. I always read your blogs, even when your not trying to send a inspirational message you always seem too. After Azure passing I said I wasn't going to take anyone or anything for granted and that was short lived. After ALMOST losing Anthany, well that was a nightmare that really made me stop and think and when I'm sad and down I read your blogs and that really seems to cheer me up. You have been a big help without even really being there so keep on the inspirational blogs.
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